The Downward Spiral
by xxWritingGirlxx
Summary: Kurt wants to know how Blaine gets so much hair gel... but when he finds out the answer in a secretive alleyway, he gets more than he bargained for, and it spirals from there. Rated T for excessive hair gel use. VERY, VERY CRACKY. Please R&R!


**A/N: Set ****when Klaine was together. Also, this is pretty random. Much like my other stories… **

Kurt and Blaine were at the Lima Bean. Their favorite pastime was to sing about their dates, as Blaine was currently doing. No one in the Lima Bean thought this was strange at all; they were used to Glee club members singing their feelings.

"KURT, I JUST WANNA BLURT, OUT HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU! AND THESE LATTES TOO! AND MR. SCHUE WANTS ME TO DO HIM-"

"WHAT?!" Kurt interrupted. The mysterious music in the background ceased playing.

"You didn't let me finish! –WANTS ME TO DO HIM A FAVOR, IN EXCHANGE FOR HAIRGEL IN MY FAVORITE FLAVOR!" Kurt was instantly relieved.

"Hey, Blaine, speaking of that, how _do _you get all that hair gel? I saw your 1000 bottle supply. Did you ever think you might be depriving poor, starving homeless people on the streets of vital hair gel?!" Kurt ranted. OK, so he might have been projecting slightly, since all of his favorite hair gel was sold out… and he had a feeling he knew who had taken it.

"Kurt! That supply only lasts me two weeks!" Blaine protested, "you want to see how I get all this hair gel? I warn you… it's not pretty." Kurt considered this for all of a second, then nodded.

"Okay…" Blaine said hesitantly. The two left their coffee behind in their rush out the door.

Blaine walked quickly ahead, checking behind his shoulder frantically. Kurt struggled to keep up.

Finally, they reached an ominous looking secretive alleyway that was littered with trash. Even though it was broad daylight, the alley seemed dark.

"Blaine… why are we going down a secretive alleyway?" Kurt asked accusingly. Blaine just whistled innocently. Oddly, Kurt wasn't reassured.

"Now, Kurt, what I'm looking for is highly camouflaged, but if you manage to see it, you'll know," Blaine told him, searching. Kurt looked around the alleyway. He spotted a jacket, two tickets to some concert, a toaster with tots still in it (Mercedes had probably been there), Pokemon cards, a huge fake-looking bottle of hair gel as tall as the building, and a dirty, but nevertheless fashionable sweater.

"Blaine… whatever it is, I don't think I found it. Is it a ninja? Or maybe that sweater, because if it is, I have misjudged your taste in fashion," Kurt guessed, narrowing his eyes at Blaine's red bowtie. Blaine shook his overly-gelled head.

"I don't think that's it… oh! It must be the huge bottle of hair gel!" Blaine exclaimed. Kurt shrugged. He suspected Blaine was wrong, as that was a little too obvious.

And then Mr. Schue popped out of the bottle of hair gel.

"Hello! So, Blaine," he whispered, "my supply is dwindling down to practically nothing, but I still have about 500 bottles, if you wan- YOU BROUGHT KURT?!" Blaine whistled innocently again.

"Yeah… but he won't tell anyone!"

"Um… what's going on here, exactly?" Kurt asked, "is it… legal?"

"Well, technically no… but… fine. He's my hair gel supplier." Blaine hung his head in shame, "I've become addicted. Mr. Schue is too, so he steals hair gel from stores and brings it here, and I buy it off of him." Kurt gasped.

"WHAT?! But couldn't you both just buy hair gel from the store and make it legal? This way doesn't even make sense!"

"First of all, you think being a Glee teacher pays enough money for that? I get paid even less because my lessons consist of underlining a word on the board. Second of all, stop trying to be logical! Logic is for everyone outside of Glee Club! Do you WANT to be in the jazz band?" Will threatened.

"NO! I won't say anything!" Kurt cried, putting his hands up.

"Good. Besides, stores can get pretty suspicious and call in the big guys if you go over 50 bottles. And I don't mean the police. Now, have you told anyone else?" Will asked Blaine. Blaine tried to seem nonchalant.

"Nope. Never, with a dollop of hair gel on top," Blaine replied. Then Sue came out from behind a trash can.

"He didn't tell me… but the great Sue Sylvester always knows. Especially when she's been eavesdropping behind this trash can. Well, this explains a lot, William. It almost makes up for that atrocity you call a hairdo… note I said almost." Kurt observed this scene with horror, and a teensy bit of fascination. He inched toward the sweater.

"Ok, I guess I believe you then, Blaine… but why is she here?" Will cried, pointing at a bewildered Tina.

"I told her because she doesn't talk," Blaine shrugged.

"BLAINE! She's starting to come out of her shell and talk about things other than Asian!" Will accused. Blaine threw his hands up.

"Sorry!"

"And what about him?!" Blaine followed Will's accusing finger to Brad.

"He's everywhere," Blaine said mysteriously.

"And you told Mercedes?" Will threw his hands up.

"She figured it out while she was cooking her tots!" Blaine explained.

"And Quinn and Rachel?"

"They needed a place to talk besides the bathroom."

"And you told Brittany… why?"

"Well, SHE- honestly, I'm not sure," Blaine shrugged.

"It's ok. I understand. Lord Tubbington is addicted to catnip. I think I am too. And Mercedes, if you need someone to talk to about the tots, Lord Tubbington is fonduesexual," Brittany reassured them.

"Listen up, Glee Clubbers. I now have blackmail on your pathetic club. Now I will alert the authorities of you encouraging this strange and probably fake addiction , unless you stop singing and spreading joy," Sue interrupted. The Glee Club gave a collective gasp. Because most people gasp in unison.

"Singing is my- OUR life!" Rachel screamed.

"And rapping!" Mr. Schue added. Back at McKinley, Jacob Ben Israel was shedding a thousand Jewish tears at the thought of having to hear Mr. Schue rap ever again.

"If it's your life, all the more reason to not let you do it," Sue replied.

"Wait… we're dying?!" Finn said suddenly.

"No, Frankenteen. Actually, I wouldn't mind, but that's unfortunately illegal. Not that it's ever stopped me before. Now leave before I arrange an 'unfortunate' bus crash," Sue commanded.

"This is worse than dying!" Rachel lamented.

The Glee Club left in a hurry, Blaine grabbing all the bottles of hair gel and Kurt grabbing the sweater. As they ran away, Blaine dropped a bottle of hair gel. It all escalated quickly from there. He reached behind him to get the fallen bottle, and they all fell out of his arms. The entire Glee Club ran back to help him pick them up.

Rachel started singing an original song about picking up hair gel and Glee and friendship. The Glee Club automatically knew the words and joined in, Brad playing an imaginary piano silently in the background. Sue, being Sue Freaking Sylvester, naturally heard everything.

The bus didn't see them in time. And that's how the Glee Club died.

Nah, I'm totally kidding. They didn't die from the bus crash! After the bus narrowly avoided them, a car came and hit them, and that's how the Glee Club died.

THE END.

**That escalated quickly... so, did you like it? How about that ending... literally?**


End file.
